Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
