I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize