There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
