3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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