Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
