You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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