you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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