dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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