I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
time to smoke my breakfast
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
