he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
