...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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