Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i need some magic done to my vagina
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
