ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
