what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
