what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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