Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
