Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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