I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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