so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
