Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
