You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
