honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
