"it" just moved
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
