After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
