Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
