Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
