He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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