i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
