Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
