If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
