The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
