my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
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There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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