DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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