More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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