They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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