I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
