Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm both gender and math confused
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
