I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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