i don't like sucking hair
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
