Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
