Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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