Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
