Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
