Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
