Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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