I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
