I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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my poor anus
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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