I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
