White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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