I'm so fucking centered right now
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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