i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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