ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
