dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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