At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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