My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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