Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
