At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
