how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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