Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
